Have you ever given to a relationship everything you got then one day you wake up and feel like… “hey.. um this person really isn’t giving back… and I feel like crap about myself for violating my value of self-respect just so someone would like me more.” Well it’s October and its time to change, so I thought I’d lead by example.
My nature (which I still struggle with) has been to give and give and give until I get stepped on or taken advantage of. In Buddhism we call this the “Devils Compassion,” or being compassionate to the point of letting people trample on you or your values. Of course, it would be great if you could just meet people who reciprocated and gave like you did, but most of the world doesn’t operate that way. I read a great quote from a great leader (can’t remember exactly who it was) and it said: “Expect Ingratitude.” Yes, most people will not show gratitude towards your gifts, but the good news is:
It’s Not Your Fault
99% of the time Its NOT YOU that’s the problem… most people are simply trying to meet their own needs. Now these needs could be: “protect my ego at all costs even if it means sabotaging the relationship,” or “don’t trust anyone they might take advantage of you and you’ll get hurt,” etc. But lets not forget that most people are conditioned over life to be selfish, even some of the people who make a show of benevolence are some of the most selfish people of all as they only give to feed their own ego or some pre-conditioned belief that its better to give than receive.
It Is Your Fault
Ok you’re probably saying what??? Well in a way its also your fault if you are feeling bad because you’ve created expectations that simply weren’t met and those are your expectations. So basically if you didn’t have any expectations for others and allowed them to be who they really are or at where they are really at in their own stage of development (or non development) then you’d have a slightly different take on the situation right?
Uphold Your Values
This is the main challenge here simply because emotions typically override most important values. If you’re feeling emotional about someone your tendency will be to do whatever you can to satisfy and give to the relationship even if it violates your values. For instance, one of my main values is to honor and respect myself, to stand up for myself and speak the truth when I feel like I’m being treated poorly, getting blown off or ignored.
Shifting The Law of Attraction
What I realized was how incredibly liberating it is to speak your truth even if it means the other person may not approve of what you’re saying. But whats really happening here is that by speaking the truth and standing up for myself, I’m saying to the universe, I won’t tolerate flakes and selfish people in my life. The result?… The universe in all its splendor and glory has respond by sending upstanding, integrous and honest people my way. I’ve tested it and its full proof!
Who Do You Want in Your Life?
So who are you attracting in your life and how would you like to shift the law of attraction? Try rebuking, this word sounds kind of like re-puking, which is actually appropriate here as you get to let go of the emotional toxicity of your life by telling someone (email, phone, in person or in prayer) you’re not going to put up with their sh*t anymore. Obviously this can be done in a kind but direct way rather than screaming at someone. In the end, if even years down the road, they will thank you as this is real care, unconditional love, motivated at helping this person become a better person.
Please feel free to comment on your rebuking and any results… or something you’d like to rebuke someone on.
Lots of love, Chad